Necessary Transition

by Elisabeth Dahl

If you've ever taken a writing class, you know what transitions are. They're the glue that binds, the signs that direct, the forward- and backward-looking words, sentences, and paragraphs that -- whatever metaphor you prefer -- help readers follow what you write. Transitions keep our arguments, descriptions, pitches, reports, and explanations not just cohesive but coherent.
As writers and editors, we understand instinctively that readers need transitions, but we also work at getting rid of unnecessary words.

Are nonetheless, but, similarly, at the same time, in addition, and other short transitional words and phrases always "necessary parts" readers can't do without? How far can we trust readers to ride along as points are contradicted or additional information is tacked on? Are there places where more subtle transitions work better -- and save space as well?

Blunt little transitions
As William Zinsser reminds us in his classic On Writing Well, "I can't overstate how much easier it is for readers to process a sentence if you start with 'but' when you're shifting direction." Take this example from Ted C. Fishman's article, "The Joys of Global Investment":

The hope that one's money might scour the globe for fortunes isn't new, of course. For better and for worse, civilization as we know it...derives from the mercantile energies of sixteenth-century Europe. The British East India Company...eventually grasped an entire subcontinent. But it was not until this century that electrical, and then electronic, technology dramatically increased the flexibility of overseas investing.

Had that final sentence started with It was not until or, even more abruptly, In this century, electrical..., the change in overseas investment patterns would have been blurrier.

More subtle transitions
Small transition words aren't the only options for making a message clear, however. In A Writer's Companion, Richard Marius argues that

These are cautious, plodding words, words that leap to mind quickly when we are stuck. When we use them too frequently, they leave the rivets showing....

Good writers seldom use the mechanical transition words such as thus, therefore, moreover, furthermore, and however. The best transitions rarely call attention to themselves.

Less explicit transitions often come naturally. Take the opening paragraphs of Amy Tan's essay "Mother Tongue," first published in The Threepenny Review:

I am not a scholar of English or literature. I cannot give you much more than personal opinions on the English language and its variations in this country or others.

I am a writer. And by that definition, I am someone who has always loved language. I am fascinated by language in daily life.

Tan tells us what she isn't, then reveals what she is, but she makes this shift without relying on however or but. Instead, she establishes a rhythm of repetition that moves from the negative "I am not" and "I cannot" to the affirmative "I am." She could have written an opening that made the same points more conversationally:

You would not call me a scholar of English or literature, and I have only personal opinions on the English language and its variations in this country or others.

I am a writer, however, and have always loved language. Language in daily life fascinates me.
Instead, more subtly, with steadily accumulating force, Tan makes her theme of self-definition clear.

Journalists often use another technique: beginning a paragraph with a quotation that builds on information from a previous paragraph. In "All You Ever Wanted to Know about Gardening," from the San Francisco Chronicle, Elizabeth Navas Finley describes how county agricultural advisers field questions:

If a question stumps everyone in the office, a plant sample is sent off to the plant pathologists at UC Berkeley for an answer.

"We are an information source," emphasizes Hildegard Griffin, desk coordinator for the Marin Master Gardeners in Novato.

Griffin's words give a definite name, information source, to the previous loose description everyone in the office, and the brief quote smoothly identifies Griffin as it introduces a longer quotation from her that explains the service. More interesting techniques often guide the reader through a piece of writing more smoothly.

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